Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconarctoa: More from arctoa


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
January 3, 2010
File Size
1.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
386
Favourites
10 (who?)
Comments
15
Downloads
4
×
It's the end of the line:
twine torn thin between
rotten railway sides
and the trains
that slide
in and out of light
like my tunnel-sight:
shackled to life
(and the line)
in Noir.

Time unwinds
behind thine eyes:
A broken reel run-away
whose frames flicker
and skip
and stick
like a flip-book,
pages carved into flight
from a steam locomotive
streaming on by.

Smoke and pulp conspire
in the spiral skies,
delicately deconstructing
dreamscape deaths
in the mire:
reversing chase patterns
pulled from plans
and pursuers in blotted
black and white

-- and blood
caked upon canvas:

causality cracks
against crimson tides,
tearing tension
cables along a track
caught alight

-- and eyes
that burn open,

bleary at midnight.
Updated: 04/01/2010 @ 02:55
Project2010: 005 of 375 (January 3rd)



A piece about a dream I had last night which stuck in my consciousness; something that is rather rare, for me. To condense the story, I was on the run in Russia from the mob or Mafia, who were remarkably eager to kill me. However, I had the ability to slow time to such an extent that I could escape their immediate clutches, but never enough to free myself of them entirely. It all came to a head in a train station before I awoke with the story, inevitably, incomplete.

The last stanza feels somewhat unnecessary: thoughts? Additionally, I can only apologise for my unerring tendency to shoe-horn as much alliteration into any given piece as is humanly possible. That said, don't expect it to end any time soon. Ahaha.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   Writer
I'm 'past midnight' where I am now and thinking about staying up 'til dawn, editing stuff. I really feel this piece now. Thank you. Congrats on the DLD. :+fav:
Reply
:iconarctoa:
arctoa Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Photographer
Thank-you kindly, it was a huge surprise to see that I had been featured!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   Writer
:iconyourewelcomesignplz:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconarctoa:
arctoa Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Photographer
Ah, this is a surprise! My literary work usually gets entirely neglected so this is great news. Thank-you kindly, I appreciate it greatly.
Reply
:iconcocokingsolver:
CocoKingsolver Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Professional Photographer
I do have a special place for these in my ExtremeBW group. I do hope you will submit and/or allow them in said galerie.
Reply
:iconarctoa:
arctoa Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Student Photographer
Of course; and thank-you.
Reply
:iconlimnides:
limnides Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2010   Artist
It works well with the abrupt ending. It creates a feeling of waking up in a fit of sweat from a nightmare.
The atmosphere and imagery are intense.
Reply
:iconarctoa:
arctoa Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2010  Student Photographer
a) Which was my intention.
b) Which is my apparent speciality. ;)
Reply
:iconcorvidophiliac:
corvidophiliac Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2010
I like the last bit. Maybe it is unnecessary, but I'm not particularly bothered by that.

Thought: This piece is one that (I think) would present better as lyrics than as a written piece. The alliteration (and some rhyming, I saw!) seem a bit thick and rather stout for visual impact, yet the piece as a whole seems like it would sing perfection if woven in music.
Reply
Add a Comment: